Most of us get married thinking it will last forever…..and then reality sets in…we change, we grow and so often, we stop doing it together. Some couples manage to work through the tough times and some couples throw in the towel. Today we are talking with Dr. Katherine Morris about successfully single men and the transition from married to single life in their fifties and sixties. In this episode she shares her insight around divorce and we discuss the 8 common pitfalls for men to avoid as they are going through divorce. Some of these pitfalls can also apply to women, but since she focuses on men in her practice, the conversation today stays on that track.
In addition to Dr. Morris, we have Dan with is who is one Dr. Morris’s clients. You’ll hear him chime in a few times throughout the conversation with his insights on this topic. After we stopped recording, Dan and I were talking and he mentioned that men age 50 have the highest rate of suicide. In his opinion, one of the contributors is divorce and men not feeling like they have anything left. They hear from their friends and family how they’ll lose everything, their house, their business, their family and then what do they have left. It’s understandable that they want to give up, but life is too precious and divorce shouldn’t be the end, it should be viewed as an initiation into better things to come. Dr. Morris explains this in our conversation.
Before we get started, I wanted to remind you about our FB group that we’ve created. I’d love for you to join us where we keep the conversation going? Just look for divorce exposed the next time you are on FB and click join on the right. You’ll find a lot of great ideas on staying married and surviving divorce. It’s not a place to vent but to share ideas that are insightful and inspirational.
Remember my goal is to provide you with insights for staying married and inspiration to survive divorce.
The topic this week is especially important to men who are thinking about or who are in the middle of a divorce. If you know someone, please share this with them.
Avoid the common pitfalls men make when leaving the marriage:
- Not moving into the right location – either moving to a friends house or moving in to a basement or below par apartment. It’s important to move into a space that feels comfortable, where you can be yourself and begin to move forward.
- Take some of your items with you so you feel safe and secure – take some furniture, pictures, pieces that make you smile when you look at them.
- Don’t move in with another women right away. Give yourself time to work through the transition before you land in another relationship. Quite frequently that rebound relationship doesn’t last because you are still going through a transition
- Avoid overindulging in drinking and drugs – moderation with legal substances is ok but don’t go overboard.
- Be careful about taking unnecessary risks. It’s not uncommon for men to go speeding down the highway, bungie jumping or sky diving – if you wouldn’t have done it when you were married, think twice before doing it as you are getting divorced
- Get out and do things so you avoid ISOLATION. Being alone 7 nights a week isn’t healthy. Have a plan to get out and do things you enjoy.
- Pay attention to how much you are talking about your ex. It’s ok to talk to a professional or an isolated friend, but when you are talking about it to everyone, it can become a problem. This is particularly true at the office and in social settings. You don’t want the wrong message to get out during the divorce.
If you or someone you know is going through a divorce and feel that Dr. Morris could be helpful transitioning successfully single men, you’ll find her contact information below. I want to emphasize that I am not a lawyer, financial advisor or therapist. These are professionals you might need to help you through your divorce and I encourage you to reach out and ask for referrals if you feel you need help. I’m just here to share ideas for you to consider. Our guest today, Dr. Morris is a trained therapist and has set up resources that can assist you.
Again, thank you for listening to the show. If you like what you heard, please go to iTunes and leave a review. Your opinion matters.
Until next time……..keep finding the positives in everything you do
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How to reach Dr. Morris:
On her website, you can schedule a call with her.